A War on Women?

On Facebook today, I noticed this “ad” in the right-hand column, “End the War on Women.” (with Senator Dianne Feinstein [CA-Dem] pictured). I don’t have anything against women; I am one. (Not a very girly one, but I am one.)

I’m not all that political, but I don’t believe there’s any “war” on women by Republicans/Conservatives, many of whom ARE women. I know, because I am one of them.

I was a baby once, too. And before that, a fetus. (Before you ask, I believe life starts at conception, but I’m using the generally-used terminology.) Sure glad my mom didn’t decide to kill me. She may have questioned her decision when I hit my teens, but at least she got to know me first.

Do I think male politicians, or men in general, have the best perspective on women’s health issues? Maybe not (though I’m trusting an awful lot of them to know what to do about my cancer!). I don’t know that every woman has the best perspective on her own health issues either, especially not when hormones are rampaging. Therefore, I think it’s sound personal management to think ahead on the issue of birth control, pregnancy, abortion, etc. rather than make decisions when faced with a “crisis pregnancy”.

Yes, I had surgery to try to remove cancerous tissue from my body in hopes that it would not kill me. Do I think a woman should terminate a pregnancy if her life’s in jeopardy from a pregnancy? Not sure. I guess that’s between her, her husband and God. I certainly do NOT believe abortion is an appropriate method of “contraception” when there are so many other means that don’t involve ending someone else’s life in order to be less inconvenienced.

Do I agree that no health provider should be forced to provide services or that employers should not be required to provide contraceptives/abortion coverage when doing so conflicts with their moral beliefs/conscience? No.

Who should pay for that then? Should I? No. (Should the vegetarians and vegans of the world be required to subsidize meat eaters’ preferences?) But forcing the insurance companies to cover it is the same as saying everyone else will pay for it, because insurance is predicated on spreading the risk/cost among many. Everyone else ends up carrying a share of the burden.

I respectfully suggest that more UNmarried people practice the method I’ve chosen. It’s free and the only proven, 100%-effective pregnancy prevention. It’s called abstinence. For married persons, obviously that’s not practical; however, we all must face that our actions have consequences. If we don’t like what the likely consequences of a given action is, we have to decide whether to proceed and how to deal with the consequences when/if they arise (or how to preclude them and at what cost).

I know the next objection is, “What about rape?” Again, is a woman in that situation in the best mental and physical condition to make any decisions? Perhaps not. I’m sure, too, that I cannot possibly understand her situation, not having experienced that particular circumstance personally. I only *hope* that I would choose to carry the baby and (if I couldn’t face raising the child) give him or her up for adoption. So many loving couples long for a child.

Do I expect everyone will agree with my opinions (for they are just that)? NO. I imagine some among my acquaintance disagree whole-heartedly. But if you’ve read this far and wish to comment, all I ask is that (1) you consider the above and (2) voice your opinions in a respectful manner, both toward me and toward any other commenter.

The Rhetoric of Name Calling

I grew up being called all kinds of names because I was heavier than other kids (and frankly, I wasn’t that big [then] compared to some of the children I see today with rolls and rolls of fat, but I digress). Because of that I’m just not fond of seeing/hearing all the name calling going on today.

Granted, sometimes, name calling is affectionate (“darling”, “lovey”, “sweetpea”) or just intended to deny an outlandish statement humorously (“You silly goose”). I don’t object to that.

Often, however, people use name calling as a personal attack or a bullying tactic (“Yo mama”, “fat slob”, “N-word”, “white boy”, “four eyes” and “reeeetard!” as a few examples). Sometimes a person will use name calling to imply others shouldn’t listen to what a person has to stay because of the insulting characteristic (as the sole refutation, unaccompanied by logical opposing argument). People use name calling to instill fear (and/or loathing, hatred), either in the object of their derision or in other people they want to oppose the derided party.

We see it in the political arena:  Conservatives call liberals “libtards”. Liberals call conservatives “bigots”. People who believe(d) President Obama was born in the U.S.call those who question(ed) it “birthers”. People who disagree with the Tea Party call those who agree with its tenets “tea baggers”. People who use those terms mean only derision and total disrespect of the other person.

We see it with respect to religion: heathen, Jesus-freak, fanatic, nut job, fundamentalist, and many especially derogatory epithets I won’t list.

In the social and physical realm, we have a variety of hurtful names for the less-than-Hollywood-or-magazine-cover-attractive (especially the overweight but also the fashion senseless, the follicularly challenged, the big-haired, etc.), the addicted, and those who’ve chosen a different path financially, sexually, stylistically or morally.

If one wants to debate another’s philosophy, religion, politics or other –ics, -isms and –ologies, one should do so on the facts, the logic or illogic, of the ISSUE, not the other party’s appearance, not challenging the other party’s intelligence just because they happen to disagree with one, and not using inflammatory name calling.

In the end, if two (or more) persons cannot agree, they need to “agree to disagree” and walk away. In this country we have the freedom to express ourselves, but is it necessary to do so maliciously? Frankly, when I see or hear the type of name-calling mentioned about, I tune OUT whoever is using that tactic. So they lose their argument (or at least their platform) right then and there.

In the words of Rodney King, “Can’t we all just get along?”

What I learned from NaNoWriMo

My winning NaNo page

I entered November full of expectation, not without a little trepidation but certain of winning validation. I expected to be challenged by squeezing 1,700 words into a 24-hour day already stuffed with a full-time work schedule and equally time-consuming volunteerism. My trepidation arose because I had ditched my original planned topic and genre in the last days of October. My certainty of validation, even in the face of the former, came from four winning years.

As I had done the past couple of years, I got up at midnight November 1 to write for an hour or so, just to get the juices flowing, to prime the pump of creativity as it were. At least I didn’t have the nightmare of two years ago when my laptop froze about an hour in, forcing me to handwrite for a time and to beg & borrow laptops to continue while my laptop received a new motherboard (under warranty) or last year’s expensive frustration of a debilitating virus five days before the end. On the other hand, my protagonist did announce at the end of the first paragraph that he was a werewolf, a totally unseen prognostication necessitating a little werewolf self-education.

*sings* On the third day of NaNo, my day-boss gave to me…
In a meeting predicated on his own miscommunication, my boss chose to tell me that I smell. As in, I have an (unspecific) odor issue. (I was too gobsmacked to ask for much clarification.) I talked with friends both near and far; no one confirmed the boss’s declaration. And while this is really rich, coming from a man who goes running every afternoon about 4pm and comes back into the office all sweaty and gross, it caught me so by surprise as to wreak emotional and psychological devastation. Especially with regard to writing. Every time I sat at the computer, it consumed me. I could hardly compose a sentence about anything else.

This continued through the first two and a half weeks of November. Then I came to vacation, which I had requested two months before in order to pad my NaNo validation chances. In addition to the other thing, I continued to let my iPhone overrule my dedication by responding to every buzz and beep of notification. My concentration continued to fail me, until the day after Thanksgiving by which time I had written only 15,655 words. That left me 34,345 words to write in the next six days, or instead of 1,700/day, more like 5,725/day (6-day version goal). In reality, it was more like 6,900/day (5-day version goal) because on November 30 I had to go back to work.

I had to make a modification in my process. So, on the day after the National Day of Immoderation, I sat down at my laptop – in my living room in a comfortable chair, having abandoned my too-cold Starbucks as a destination – and made a declaration. My new regulation: I would set the timer on the offending device for 45-75 minutes and not pick it up again until it barked (my timer tonation – in honor of my protagonist’s situation). I did all my personal business – phone calls, bathroom, food, games, texting – ONLY after the timer went off and before setting it again. With determination, I reset the timer repeatedly, having written anywhere from 500-1,500 words during each “sprint”. Each time I broke, I posted my new total to Facebook and on the next break enjoyed my pompon-waving friends’ encouraging comments. By the time I went to bed, I had written nearly 5,600 words (shy of goal but impressive) for a new total of 21,222.

The next day, I repeated my new method of operation. I ended the day with 28,000 words – a gain of 6,787 (more than the 6-day version goal, just shy of the 5-day version goal).

The third day, to my consternation, I wrote 7,200 words! That brought my total to just over 35,000 with three days (two full and one what’s-left-after-work day) to go. At that point, I kind of lost momentum and wrote only 5,000 each of the next two days, ending November 29 with about 45,000. I just had no sensation that gave me hope of writing 5,000 more after working all day November 30. I left the office at 5:30 and arrived home about 6pm. I sat myself down, and, using the same system, began to write.

An hour later I had another 1,000 words; I dared to dream. By 8pm, I had 1,300 more words; I dared to hope. At my 9pm update on Facebook, I checked in with just under 1,300 additional words; I dared to believe. I began to pound out dialogue with very little description or attribution; I pictured the scene of six detectives sharing case progress in my head and just typed my heart out. Four hours after I sat down that evening, the word count at the bottom of my Microsoft Word window turned over the 50,000 mark. I had “won”! (Now the NaNoWriMo.org word validator sometimes counts slightly more or less, so I spent a few minutes “padding” my total with another 100 or more words. Then I went to the site to validate; it counted 50,443 words and declared me a WINNER!)

So what did I learn from this experience – especially what did I learn differently from past years?

WHAT I LEARNED ABOUT ME
A. I give other people (and their words) way too much power over my emotional health. As a cartoon from Going Bonkers (www.gbonkers.com – not that they’re in any way an authority in my life) says, “When we care too much about the opinions of others, we willingly become their prisoner.” I allowed my bullying boss to take me emotionally hostage for three weeks.

B. I can do things I never even dreamed I could do, like write 1,500 words in about an hour, 5,000 words in four hours and 35,000 words in six days! In fact, I can write well over 50,000 words in a month. Counting large blocks of information I wrote up for other things, I actually wrote around 60,000 words in November, not counting short emails, Facebook posts, Twitter tweets, etc.

C. I have an incredible support system of people who mobilize when I involve them; I need to remember to do that.

WHAT I LEARNED ABOUT MY WRITING PROCESS
A. I need a writing environment that, while not necessarily warm, doesn’t require me to spend more energy staying warm than I spend on actually writing. My Starbucks store, though I’ve complained to in-store management and online to customer service, isn’t just cold, it has cold air blowing down on me. The result is I spend a lot of time warming my hands on hot beverages and the hot spots on my laptop and under my armpits.

B. I need a writing environment that, while not necessarily silent, has sounds that help focus rather than distract. Some music is definitely more conducive to writing than other music; the type of music may depend on what I’m writing. This time, I discovered that wearing noise-cancelling headphones at Starbucks against music that DIDN’T enhance my writing experience helped, and also that Andrea Bocelli’s music worked well blaring in those headphones. (I didn’t use music at all at home, and I may consider experimenting with different music while writing before next NaNo, perhaps developing a preferred “mix” or playlist.)

C. I need to discipline myself to write just like I have to choose to do Bible study, that is:
1. to refrain from stopping every minute or two to
–see who has texted, played their turn in Words with Friends or Scrabble, or posted on Facebook.
–look for a snack or refill a drink
–look something up on the internet
2. to delay gratification not only of the above but also to use other desirable things as rewards for word goals achieved – like watching an episode of a favorite show after reaching a 5,000-word day, for example.
3. to *expect* myself to produce (at least in first/rough draft form) 500 or more words per hour

D. I need other people. I always thought of writing as a solitary and solo activity. Yes, *I* have to create the scenarios and actually put the words down on paper (on the screen). For the most part, I do that while alone (or at least isolated by headphones). But I need people (that support system)
a. to pray for me
–to set distractions aside
–to stick with it
–to honor God in my writing (write things that don’t dishonor Him, write the stories He gives, etc.)
b. to encourage me
–by expressing confidence in my ability (to write and to meet goals)
–by expressing excitement over my ideas, updates, excerpts, etc.
c. to answer expert questions. (Sometimes, even if I’ve researched, things come up on the fly.)
d. to read and offer feedback eventually (after I’ve polished it the best I can by myself).

E. I am so visual that the scenes play out in my head, and it’s much easier for me just to write out the dialogue as it happens. I have to work at describing what I see in the room, what people look like and/or are wearing, and what action takes place. (Note to self: Revision is for December!)

WHAT I LEARNED ABOUT WRITING (Specifically about writing mysteries)
A. Pantsing is both hard and exhilarating! (*Pantsing = ‘writing by the seat of your pants’, i.e., writing without an outline but just sitting down to write from the beginning.)
B. I should know “whodunit” (and how and why) before I start writing. It’s not impossible to pants a mystery; it’s just tougher. Even if pantsing, knowing the above will help immensely; even deciding a general outline of what clues to reveal at what stages will help a lot.
C. Even if I think I know them inside out, characters can surprise me incredibly with something about themselves I never saw coming. (In the first paragraph, my protagonist announced he was a werewolf.)

There is probably much more, but that’s what occurs to me. Feel free to share in comments what you learned from NaNo2011 or other writing projects (or other creative endeavors).

The Love Story

I love reading mysteries and science fiction, but I fall for a good love story just as easily as the next person. By “good”, I don’t mean racy or explicit; rather, I mean the kind where someone loves sacrificially and the “lovee” eventually – after mistaking others’ fake love for the real thing, thereby hurting the lover (who willingly forgives the lapse) – realizes the lover’s true feelings and gives his/her heart completely. They know they will face bumps in their “happily ever after” but commit to the relationship.

Why do these stories suck us in? They represent the gospel!

God loves us so much that He sacrificed His Son in order to have a relationship with us. We blithely fall for the charm of Satan who woos us with things like fame, wealth, popularity, beauty, etc. while He waits for us to recognize Satan’s false and empty affection. When we give our heart completely to the One Who loves us perfectly (has our best interest at heart), we will live JOYFULly FORever after – though not challenge free (persecution, sin nature rearing its ugly head, etc.).

John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, – that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. (NIV)

Dear Father God, thank you for your sacrificial gift of eternal life, for creating us for relationship with you and for waiting patiently for us to see your true love.

Is Starbucks the new “Cheers”?

Is Starbucks a Cheers for the 21st century
Remember the 80s TV show “Cheers”? It starred Ted Danson, Shelley Long (and later Kirstie Alley), Rhea Perlman, George Wendt, John Ratzenberger, Nicholas Colasanto (and later Woody Harrelson), Kelsey Grammer (who later spun off into the show Frasier) and Bebe Neuwrith. I watched the show all the time, even though folks at my church disapproved of its bar setting. The theme song said it all:

“Where Everybody Knows Your Name” (Cheers Lyrics)
by Gary Portnoy and Judy Hart Angelo
Making your way in the world today takes everything you’ve got.
Taking a break from all your worries, sure would help a lot.

Wouldn’t you like to get away?
Sometimes you want to go
Where everybody knows your name,
and they’re always glad you came.
You wanna be where you can see,
our troubles are all the same
You wanna be where everybody knows
Your name.

Now, I don’t frequent bars, so I can’t say whether they are or are not like the one depicted in Cheers or other TV shows or movies. The few I’ve been in looked more like the one in Sister Act unless they were part of a hotel or restaurant. But I believe Starbucks is the social equivalent of “Cheers” for the 21st century.

At what I lovingly call “The Chapel of the Bean”, everyone (at least the staff) knows the names and preferred drinks of regular patrons. Because I often spend several hours at my local establishment, I regularly interact with the staff (baristas rather than bartenders) on a level similar to what I remember Sam, Cliffie and Norm engaging in. Just like Norm, I’m often greeted by name when I walk in, and I say goodnight when I leave. We talk, joke, tease and laugh. Recently I even became “Facebook friends” with two of the gals from my Starbucks. One of them is a budding writer, so we often discuss stories, especially since I’m often there writing (or researching). Another one of them has shown interest in reading some short pieces I’ve given her. It’s a clean, safe environment to hang out after a long day at work.

Back when TV series was on, though, I remember questioning why *church* isn’t that for more people. It came to mind again when this comparison with Starbucks occurred to me. Church should be a clean, safe place to hang out, where everyone *should* know your name, *should* know what your needs/desires are, and *should* be serving you (and you should be their mirror in that). Why isn’t it so for more people?

One reason may be the “in & out” syndrome; I may slip into the pew either just as the service starts or even after and “escape” during the last song so I don’t have to talk to anyone. If “doing my duty” is all I am there for – to say I “went to church” – then no, it can’t function as the place “where everybody knows your name”. It probably doesn’t offer much in the way of a break from worries either, because I’m probably too worried about being seen going and not enough about seeking comfort from God or others.

Even if I come early and stick around to talk to others after church, it may be pretty superficial, just as the conversation at Starbucks is pretty superficial. If I am not getting involved in small groups, Sunday school or other social functions outside of the service because I might actually be asked to serve when I’m barely keeping my head above water in the rest of my life, I can’t get to know others nor can they get to know me.

I may have been more involved once but had some experience that changed my attitude toward church – a careless word, another’s failing to practice what they preach, a bad ministry experience, abuse, an environmental issue or something else. (I’ve experienced all of the above personally except abuse at church, and I’m certain I’ve been the source of similar behavior myself.) “Christians aren’t perfect…just forgiven,” as the bumper sticker advertises. A perfect person would have no need for a Savior. Everyone there has their spot on the spectrum from unsaved to saved to mature Christian, and even the latter may make mistakes or unintentionally hurt.

And yes, I’m speaking to myself as much as to any reader because while I am a committed Christian, I’ve been looking (rather haphazardly) for a new church because fragrances trigger my asthma; as a result I’ve sat in the crying room at my current church for more than five years, when I have attended there. I worry about attending *any* function because I never know when one of the ardent fragrance wearers (the ones who smell as though they marinated in it for an hour)will also attend. While this presents an honest medical issue, I admit my attitude through it all has rivaled Christ’s toward the moneychangers in the temple, without the true righteousness. So I know whereof I speak when I talk about not going to church because of what someone else says or does.

Why still go?

Well, first, God/the Bible says so. (Hebrews 10) No amount of obligatory attendance will develop significant relationships, however.

Second, while my mother was correct when she said, ‘You don’t have to go to church to be a Christian,” when I asked why she didn’t go, I struggle with behaving in a Christ-like manner even *with* regular attendance at both church and Bible Study, with personal study and the influence of Christian writers and musical artists. Imagine how badly I’d behave without all that Christian instruction?

We can make the Church – the body of Christ, not just the building – the “Cheers” (or Starbucks) in our lives by applying the same attitude and principles that made/make those places special: time spent there, sharing our lives with others, serving and allowing others to serve us and allowing the experiences there to bleed into other parts of our lives.

Hebrews 10:19-25
19 Therefore, brothers and sisters, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, 20 by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, 21 and since we have a great priest over the house of God, 22 let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. 23 Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. 24 And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, 25 not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching. (NIV 2011)

Book Review: Teach Like Your Hair’s On Fire

Teach Like Your Hair’s on Fire: The Methods and Madness Inside Room 56 by Rafe Esquith
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

This review is based on the audio version.

My friend kept telling me about this book and finally passed it on to me when she finished. I’ve been listening on my commute, and sometimes even after I pull into my parking space. 😀

Rafe Esquith teaches fifth grade in Los Angeles. His “Room 56” students aren’t wealthy, nor has he become so teaching them. He spends all his money on things for the classroom. His students aren’t necessarily “gifted” either, but they come away from his class changed people and well equipped to handle a lot that life will throw at them in the coming years. Like Jaime Escalante (of “Stand and Deliver” fame), he’s dedicated and gives them a lot of extra time and effort in order to offer things for which today’s educational environment (heavy on testing) leaves little room. This includes, among other things:

–a film club, where he introduces them to classics

–an orchestra/choir/drama troup called the “Hobart Shakespeareans” which performs SHAKESPEARE along with rock and classical music

–trips (to Washington, D.C., for example – which isn’t offered until 8th grade in CA, not at all in many states)

Rafe offers a lot of practical advice in several areas, not the least of which are:

–the discussion about what motivates children (people in general) to do things or not to do things.

–how to build trust between him and his students, and between the students and each other

–the analytical process he teaches the children, and

–the mentoring he encourages (Students who learn to play an instrument then teach younger children.)

–links to websites and information where to find quality materials to use

–raising the money necessary for the extras he provides

Can you imagine:

–students calling their teacher by his first name? (never, when I was kid)

–teaching 10-year-olds economics/the value of money by charging your students RENT for their desk space? (BTW, that’s not how he funds the extra-curricular activities. :D)

–30 students waiting at an intersection even when the “walk” sign is in their favor/the light is green until the teacher gives the go-ahead?

–former students returning year after year to visit to participate in extra activities and to help current students?

–an elementary school teacher taking time and money to escort former students cross-country on a tour of prospective colleges?

–30 students at an amusement park stepping aside so an elder can go ahead of them in line for food?

I remember my fifth grade year as being the best of my elementary years despite my father’s death. Under the tutelage of an experienced, encouraging and creative teacher, we did a wide variety of activities and learned a great deal. Forty years later, I still remember a lot from that year, but it PALES in comparison to the things Esquith talks about doing with his students.

But far and away beyond that, the life lessons Esquith offers serve his students the rest of their lives. It’s not just that they get to DO more, they learn SKILLS, like analysis, communication/writing and most especially how to treat others respectfully and work as part of a team.

If every teacher in America tried to implement just one or two things from this book, our schools – our STUDENTS – would be transformed.

If every parent, godparent, guardian, foster parent and influential adult practiced and demonstrated these things and so taught the children in their lives, the WORLD would be transformed.

NOTE: Esquith occasionally uses some colorful language.

NOTE 2: I found the reader occasionally distracting, just based on differences in syllable stressing – really minor stuff; also having access to the physical (or e-) book to reference the information would be nice, but it’s a good listen.

View all my reviews

Why I love “Dancing with the Stars”

I grew up a latch-key kid. I never knew whether my mom would be home or not when I came home from school. I don’t have a problem with that because it’s all I knew and because I grew up in a time when this wasn’t as dangerous as today.

I also grew up responsible for myself. I made my own breakfast – albeit cold cereal or toast – and got myself ready for school in the morning. I did my homework, if I had any, when I got home. I practiced my violin and later my viola. (The latter happened before mom got home partly because she couldn’t stand the sound of a beginning violin student.) Some kids are just like that, you know. Others require a lot more parental supervision. Not that I didn’t make my share of mistakes and endure their consequences, but I did okay. Sometimes I think that Jill was more put together than the adult Jill.

But what does that have to do with dancing? Well, on Saturdays, I often spent the entire day alone. I read a lot, but I also watched television, a LOT of television. I saw virtually every western, especially those starring Audie Murphy, Randolph Scott or John Wayne. I took in the screwball comedies of the 30s and 40s – The Thin Man series, Bringing Up Baby and The Philadelphia Story – and the movie musicals so prevalent in the 50s and 60s, including especially the Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers variety. We never had money for dance lessons, so Fred and Ginger taught me everything I knew, which wasn’t much without a willing partner or the space to move.

So when I first learned about DWTS, I checked it out. And I found the one reality show that never made me grumble under my breath, turn the TV off in frustration or quit watching the show for half the season. In fact, I found the one show that consistently put a smile on my face for an hour or more at a time. I saw people like me who really didn’t know how to dance learning from a professional partner and getting tips from people in the know. And they got to dress up in fantastic costumes and play parts and have fun – even if they were heavy set or older than everybody else.

Don’t even get me started on how patient Tom Bergeron is with people pinching his bum and what a fun (and not too biting) wit he is.

Do I always agree with the judges or who gets voted off? No way. Sometimes I stare at the screen in shock – Shannon Bryan and Brandy eliminations come to mind.

But on the whole, I just really enjoy that hour or two of television. And that’s a lot more than I can say about a lot of the other programming, especially of the “reality” variety.

Coffee, Cookies & Cakes – Oh, My!

My mother did me two favors when I was six years old. She let me light her cigarette and let me have a sip of her black coffee. I’ve never wanted either one since.

Sadly, it worked pretty well with cooked vegetables, too.

Why couldn’t it work for cookies, cakes and candies?